PoeticaL's PoetrY diary
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11:21 p.m. : 2002-07-25
Every time
I open my door
And let someone in
I watch them step
Across my welcome gingerly
They enter into my house
I never paint the walls brighter
To welcome their arrival
I never bake a cake
To sit awhile
If I were to ever paint a picture of who I am
They’d see it hanging crooked
On my dingy wall
Perhaps they would know
The true me within
And never come back at all
I hear the tapping
Upon my door
I’m standing on the other side
My head leaning on the wood
The draft of the outside
Dancing around my ankles
This time I’ll bake a cake
This time I’ll be perfect
This time I’ll be a perfect picture
This time I’ll straighten even the bright yellow walls
I’ll wear a size 6 dress
Even if I have to cut it down the center back
Across the back and hold it together
With large paperclips
I’ll be her
I’ll be that picture
If I have to smash my shoes into ugly feet
If I have to color all of my skin with makeup
The perfect hue
I’ll do anything anything anything
Almost anything yes me me me anything
To be loved by you
And now the tapping
Is louder
Louder
Deafening
And I’m crying
Prouder and prouder
And and I’m drowning down
Into a puddle on the floor
I want to open for you
But I swore never anymore
shhhhhhhh watch me….
I’m cutting F U C K
Pretty pretty….pretty to be best
Into my thick thigh
And Y O U into
My confused chest
And I’m crying blood
Quick like my red lie
Let me slide liquidly who I am
Under the crack of the space
The one I can’t fit under
The sunshine line on the floor
Look hard at my face
I’m no one no one no one
Nothing to no one
Anyway
And damn it to you
Who stands cracking my door
No more knocking at my soul
Forever for no more
I’m hanging on the door
.........drip
..........drip
...........drip
............drip
.............drip
..............drip
...............drip
.................into the last of my poetry he
